Hey! You! I Don't Like That Game You Like!

Yeah! Hi!

Recently, it's come to my attention that you like a video game. This is unfortunate, you see, as I don't like that video game, so we can no longer be friends. Truth be told, I still want to be friends, but we can't do that, not when we don't like the same thing, because, after all, what kind of friend doesn't like what another friend likes?

So... I'm going to have to follow the rules. Yeah. You know the ones. Whenever you talk about That Game You Like, I'm going to have to ask you, firmly, to stop talking. If you refuse, I'll have to raise my internet voice. The more you refuse, the meaner I'll get, because frankly, it really doesn't matter what you like. All that matters is how I feel about it.

So stop talking about that thing you love, for my sake, because, truth be told, I'm all that matters. Yeah, I get it, you're a person too, but we're on the internet, so, naturally, my interests are more relevant than your own. Besides, it's not just for me--I know, I know, I'm amazingly selfless--it's for all those people who haven't complained because they're too afraid to say anything. You're probably definitely being mean to them maybe, so you should just stop talking about that game you like, because it's terrible.

Yes, absolutely, I could tell you my reasons for hating that game you like, but, truth be told, I haven't got any. It just rubs me the wrong way.

Won't you be considerate, won't you be nice? No? Fine.

Kid gloves are off. It's been weeks since I kicked off my passive-aggressive campaign to get you to stop being excited about that thing you liked, but you haven't listened. It's time to take things up a notch. This warning I'm giving you is for your own good: stop being happy. Stop liking what you want to like. Stop liking what I don't like. If you choose to ignore it, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to be mean on the internet. It's the only way you'll learn. Some days, you've got to be cruel to be kind, and all that.

I don't think you're a bad guy, except that, well, to be honest, you're doing something I don't like, so that's exactly what you are. In doing so, you've given me total license to do, well, anything. I probably have both diplomatic immunity and a license to kill somewhere around here.

Life's going to be hard for you in the coming weeks, but all this could have been avoided if you simply decided to stop liking what I don't like.

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