Please don’t let the Red Dead sequel be named these

If you somehow hadn’t heard of Red Dead Redemption before today, it’s a guarantee that you know what it is now. A potential sequel to Rockstar Games’ beloved Western action title is all anyone’s talking about today, following some fairly overt teases on the company’s Twitter account. But there’s also room for error when playing this kind of guessing game, and social media and the like are getting vocal about what they hope the next Red Dead is — or is not.

The suggestions are as exciting as they are terrifying, for the most part. Take this screenshot from a NeoGAF member, who said he found these possible names in the source code for Rockstar Games’ webpage.

blly155/NeoGAF

These came before today’s most recent Twitter update, and it appears that the publisher has altered these names out of its HTML since then. Still, we could live with Red Dead Retribution, Red Dead Revenge or Red Dead Rebellion. Red Dead Kitty Cat? Yeah, not feeling that one so much.

We have no way of proving what’s on Rockstar’s shortlist, and so the Twittersphere continues on with further ideas.

This list has some repeats, but we do dig Red Dead Remorse too. Red Dead Rectum is probably what the game would be called if we let our 10-year-old brother name it. Let’s not do that.

Other than the sequel’s existence, the prevailing rumor is that Red Dead 3 may take us to the days before Red Dead Redemption. If it is a prequel, here’s an easy name for it:

That’s certainly trendy, and it’s been long enough that it wouldn’t be absurd for Red Dead to get some sort of functional reboot, a la System Shock and Prey. We’d rather a new game than a retelling of Red Dead Redemption (or Red Dead Revolver), of course.

We doubt that Rockstar will be following the conventions of either Sailor Moon or Sonic the Hedgehog, as these users suggest. We especially would prefer not to be reminded of the latter series’ less-beloved entires, although Red Dead Unleashed isn’t awful.

Another popular line of thought is that the next Red Dead game, whose latest image teases a cast of seven, could go a similar route as its big brother Grand Theft Auto. GTA Online has done gangbusters for Rockstar; why not Red Dead Online?

We’re not immediately opposed, although some fans on Reddit are upset by the idea. The biggest counterargument is that Red Dead Redemption was a story-heavy adventure, and that’s what players loved about it. To sacrifice that for a bite of the online multiplayer action could be a huge miscalculation, they say.

What if Red Dead went in a completely different direction, though? What if, instead of John Marston, we finally got to go paws-on with his dog? Or, better yet, we put our wrangling and wrassling skills to good use and helped out the community?

We’re intrigued by the heartbreak-fixing Red Dead Rebound, but no, we’d prefer not to go with any of these.

There’s disagreement on this possible future for the franchise, but here’s something we can all agree we don’t want:

Although ... although ... yeah, no. No Bread Bread Breademption, please.

All signs point to an imminent reveal, but we can’t say for sure when we’ll know what the next Red Dead game is called. Fingers crossed that there’s no bread or buttholes involved.