Destiny 2’s scout rifles don’t exist, so please just give up

There are two ways to earn the MIDA Multi-Tool exotic weapon in Destiny 2: You can either begin hoarding scout rifles the moment you start playing, or you can give up on even earning the MIDA Multi-Tool. It really depends on your style of play, and your tolerance for anguish.

Here’s a good personality test that will help you determine your reaction to this particular quest. Look at the following image, and answer the following question:

If you selected the first option, congratulations! You have what it takes to earn the MIDA Multi-Tool. If you selected the second option, it might be worth your time to see if Vanquish is on sale. Update: It’s not. Life is a linear march to the grave.

It’s not all bad. The despair takes some time to build before crushing your soul. The first few steps in the quest, as outlined in our guide, are relatively simple. One could even argue that they’re enjoyable.

But things get complicated during the second-to-last step, where you have to dismantle five scout rifles of rare or legendary quality. This will be easy if you have already hoarded five scout rifles. If you have yet to do so, your life of suffering has officially begun.

Oh, and the game also won’t accept exotic scout rifles, if you have any of those to dismantle. So joke’s on you if you thought that would help!

I don’t have the numbers to prove this, but it’s my theory that Bungie hates you and everyone else who attempts this quest. To that end, the team may have created a game that uses advanced machine learning to detect when you begin this process, and will then completely stop dropping blue or purple scout rifles. At this point it’s already too late. There is nothing you can do. I’m sorry.

You may hear from people who claimed they were able — after many hours — to farm the necessary scout rifles. I would like to propose the idea that those people are all part of a secret message board that shares strategies for trolling the rest of the world into thinking there is a chance that scout rifles will ever drop again.

This situation is what inspired one of the darkest pieces of dialogue from the classic Destiny 2 miniseries Band of Guardians:

Guardian 1, in shame: “When I started playing ... I didn’t hoard scout rifles, sir. I just dismantled them.”

Guardian 2, hunkers down and reacts in a calm voice: “Guardian, do you know why you didn’t hoard scout rifles?”

Guardian 1, near tears: “I was scared.”

Guardian 2, still calm: We’re all scared. You didn’t hoard scout rifles because you think there’s still hope. But Guardian? The only hope you have is to accept the fact that scout rifles don’t exist. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as a Guardian is supposed to function. All grinding depends upon it.

I wrote this story because my life has become an empty shell in the quest for rare or legendary scout rifles. I remember holding my newborn son the day that Destiny 2 was released. I missed his college graduation yesterday due to my attempts at farming scout rifles.

If I can save anyone else from making the same mistakes, my loss won’t be in vain.

As a final note, I’m aware the image at the top if this article shows an exotic trace rifle. This was due to the fact that scout rifles are hard to capture in stills, due to their complete lack of existence within the game.