The Coen brothers’ latest film, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, explores the Old West through six chapters, each of which showcases a distinctly different type of Western as well as a different overall sensibility. Some are sweet, some are bleak, another is a musical — though each chapter is a jewel, you may find that one speaks to you more than the others.
If you’re curious as to how your favorite section of the anthology reflects on you — or you’re just tired of the Meyers-Briggs personality test and your astrological signs aren’t doing it for you anymore — look no further. This is what your favorite segment says about you.
“The Ballad of Buster Scruggs”
You end text messages with periods in order to indicate displeasure and strike fear into the hearts of those who would dare to cross you, but the words you choose are chill enough on their own that nobody can really get on your case about it (or you have enough receipts to prove your tone was warranted). At the least, people still like you enough to invite you to parties. You don’t worry about too much — as far as you’re concerned, the circle of life is an inevitability rather than something to get depressed about — which can sometimes come back to bite you in the ass, like when you put off software updates on your computer until the last possible moment. You’re usually thought of as easy going, which isn’t quite true, but you prefer it to the out-and-out truth, which is that you’re a bit cold.
You once went to summer camp, but your parents had to pick you up two days in because of ptomaine poisoning. In the years since, you have become more familiar than anyone else you know with pulling all-nighters. Your only consolation — and part of your fatalistic streak — is knowing that whatever needs to get done will get done. What doesn’t kill you may not make you stronger, but it didn’t kill you, you know? That doesn’t mean you don’t think there are certain rules to life as to what is or isn’t fair, and you only really get ruffled when you think people aren’t abiding by them. You are also a master of the Irish exit.
You’ve finished Moby Dick, but you don’t brag about it. Though some of your friends refer to you as a cynic or a pessimist, you’d call yourself a realist — and you’re right to! Life is hard, and there’s plenty of evidence to back that claim. That doesn’t mean you don’t still see some beauty in life, but it’s definitely something you find a little difficult to hold onto, especially if you’ve monetized your hobbies. People either really like you on the spot, or call you “interesting,” in the way that a pastor you knew once did when trying to describe a very strange-looking dog without offending its owners. When it comes to existential crises, you sometimes get the sneaking suspicion you are part of some larger entity’s metaphor about the changing times. You probably saw Buster Scruggs in a theater, or at least you tried to.
“All Gold Canyon”
Of all of the Buster Scruggs personality types, you are probably the most trustworthy, and/or closest to being lawfully good. You’re a little weird — you were a horse girl, or too obsessed with your TI-83 graphing calculator — but it’s not a disruptive weirdness, or at least, it doesn’t really matter because your work ethic is so intense that it more than makes up for it. (It’s also a little bit of a way of masking your vulnerabilities.) You are extremely sweet, and the one time you exploded in public is now an incident that friends constantly refer back to when they’re telling other people how nice you are, and how much it takes to push you over the edge. That niceness is counterbalanced by a tendency to act like a bull in a china shop when you get excited — you don’t always realize how wide you’re swinging — but whatever destruction you cause is never out of malicious intent. You don’t necessarily believe in karma, but you do believe in doing good.
“The Gal Who Got Rattled”
Whether or not you’re willing to admit to it (you’re not), you’re a bit of a romantic at heart. You wouldn’t describe yourself that way, but not because you don’t believe in the notion of love — rather, it’s just that you have a lot of other things to worry about. The fact that you experience strong emotions is trailer you try to suppress rather than express, and take people off guard when you end up letting it all out. You have strong opinions about which film/TV adaptation of Pride & Prejudice is the best, but you’re too polite to go off about it, even when asked. You also tend to stomach too much of your own discomfort so as not to inconvenience anyone else, though you have a hard limit you won’t let people cross. You still write in cursive, even though nobody else really does anymore.
“The Mortal Remains”
You give off the kind of weird vibe that makes people say you’re “hard to read,” but the truth is that you wear your heart on your sleeve. Nothing scares you, or rather, if anything does, you’re pretty quick to parse out why, and why it’s not worth getting vexed over. You can find the strange and wonderful in almost every aspect of life, despite knowing that it may not mean all that much in the end. You’ll never start an argument yourself, but you know just how to prod your friends to get the most drama out of them. You read your horoscope every week (the more flowery the prose, the better), but you don’t really believe in any of it. You’ve cried at every Pixar movie — even Cars.