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WarioWare Gold introduces a horrible reality where Wario talks

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Nintendo 3DS brings back WarioWare, but we didn’t expect it to return with this

WarioWare Gold artwork Intelligent Systems/Nintendo

WarioWare Gold for Nintendo 3DS marks the charming and strange WarioWare series’ return after a five-year hiatus. With it comes not just more little games, but something shockingly new: full voice acting for all of the characters, from Wario’s “friends” to Wario himself.

This may not strike you as strange at first. We’ve all done Wario impressions; we have his cackle seared into our brains after years of destroying him in tennis or knocking him out in Smash Bros. But Charles Martinet, who voices the Mario bros, Wario and Waluigi, has never been called in to speak full sentences as Wario before. Wario says much more than “wah!” in WarioWare Gold, an off-putting aural experience we neither want nor deserve.

There’s a demo out on Nintendo 3DS eShop for the microgame collection ahead of its Aug. 3 release, and that’s how people are mining and sharing Wario’s fully-voiced scenes. Here’s Wario giving us some exposition and introducing us to all of the stylish folks who help him make his games:

Not only is it weird to hear Wario laugh like ... someone other than Wario, but to hear him co-opt Mario’s “it’s-a me!” catchphrase is also bizarre.

The entire opening cutscene stars Wario speaking nonstop to the player and his WarioWare workers. It’s such a discomforting change of pace, especially considering that Nintendo is usually a proponent of silent protagonists. Here’s hoping the company gets back to that with the next Wario game. Please.

The tweet above was culled from GameXplain’s footage of the WarioWare Gold demo, which you can watch in full below. Check the video out to hear Wario say such things as “thank you very much!” and “give it your best!” — if you want your conception of Wario forever changed.

If not, watch this video instead and soothe yourself with the briefer, more familiar sounds of Wario’s “speaking voice,” this time from Mario Kart Wii.

Ah. Much better.

The good news is that there’s a feature in WarioWare Gold that allows you to dub over the cutscenes yourself, according to the game’s digital manual. If Wario’s voice bugs you as much as it should, then consider this feature a lifesaver.