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Animal Crossing just made me feel like a monster

I take it all back

A group of villagers celebrate an Animal Crossing birthday. Image: Nintendo EPD/Nintendo via Polygon

Animal Crossing: New Horizons knows when it’s your birthday, and will make sure to celebrate it with you. I turn 30 today, which means that upon boot-up, my game greeted me with a surprise birthday party. Aww, how nice, I thought. And then I noticed who was throwing the party for me. Two out of the three planners were none other than the exact villagers I had on the chopping block.

I’ve had amiibo cards for years now, and have bought even more recently, all with the intent of reshaping my entire island’s population. I’ve got Coco the bunny and Bob the cat on the way, which means I have to make room for these two “dreamies,” as the community calls them. At first, the move-out candidates seemed like a no-brainer. Shari the monkey may keep me company late at night, but she was also one of my starting villagers back in Animal Crossing: New Leaf. I’ve had enough time with her. And Pango may be chipper, but she hadn’t really endeared herself to me during her stay.

But now that these two went and got me a cake and a piñata, I feel guilty. These two animals, whom I once thought were completely expendable, were also some of the only pals who gave enough of a damn to decorate and get me presents. How can I throw them out? They love me!

This is how Animal Crossing gets you. You’ll get a villager who you think looks “ugly,” boring, or seems annoying. And then they’ll do something cute or heartfelt and you feel like a bad person for ever sullying that poor creature’s name.

Sorry, Shari and Pango. And fuck you, everyone that didn’t come to my birthday party. There will be cardboard boxes in your future.

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