When I started my Animal Crossing: New Horizons village, I contented myself with the small joys of home decoration and bug catching. Then, I realized that I could give gifts to my animal neighbors, and they would display them proudly in their own houses, or change into a brand new outfit just to please me. This brought me an inordinate amount of joy, and it became my own personal end game ... up until I flew too close to the sun.
I gave my hamster neighbor a big burly muscle suit as a joke, and now, he haunts me. The worst part is, it’s my own fault.
Meet Hamlet. This little guy was one of my two starting villagers, along with Shari the monkey. He’s a jock who likes to exercise, and he contributed a whole iron nugget to the construction of Nook’s Cranny. I bought him an assortment of little hats, and he gave me tips to improve my bench press. Honestly, he was my best friend on the island.
Until I purchased the muscle suit.
The full-body muscle suit in Animal Crossing makes your villager look like a swole body builder. That’s hilarious, so I figured the same principle would apply to a little guy like Hamlet — if not more so! Surely, I’d look at my small buddy, have a chuckle, and move on.
I didn’t expect the sight of a ripped, nude-looking Hamlet to be so upsetting. The yellow and brown of the suit matches his fur and hair. His abs are so wide. He also loves the suit. He wears it every chance he can get.
He looks like he’s extremely strong and naked, and I just don’t like that at all.
Luckily, there’s a way to trade villagers with other Animal Crossing players. And as it happens, Polygon’s very own Michael McWhertor is in the market for a Hamlet of his own.
I have another jock villager now, and once Michael has a spot clear, I’ll be kicking Hamlet out once and for all. Our friendship has spoiled; I can’t unsee the fact that he’s Porky Pigging it around my village, wearing just a shirt and letting everything beneath the waist fly free.
Still, though, at the end of the day, I know I only have myself to blame. I was the one who led Hamlet down this dark path by giving him the muscle suit. He had no agency to purchase it himself. There’s an alternate world out there where I still want Hamlet to give me tips on my biceps. For now, though, I want him to begone. He is too strong, and I am so scared.
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