Another day, another morning that Gulliver’s washed ashore in Animal Crossing: New Horizons. The details of Gulliver’s consistent appearance on shore have never added up — and they still don’t. Since the summer update, Gulliver — now calling himself Gullivarrr — has been found sleeping on Sears, my island, in a pirate costume.
Gulliver is typically a weird dude, but he’s still rocking the nonsense: Whoops! How’d I get here? But now with a pirate accent: “Aye, ye saved me stomach linin’ from a sandy demise. Beggin’ yer pardon for me sleepy confusion, arrr.”
In April, my colleague, Patricia Hernandez, uncovered a nefarious plot involving Gulliver — perhaps that his crew was intentionally throwing him overboard. Here are the facts:
Something about the whole thing doesn’t sit right with me. Every time, Gulliver stands up in a daze, saying that he must have fallen asleep and then gone overboard. His phone is always smashed, leaving him with no way to contact his crew. And when he calls his mates, they somehow never know where he is even though he always ends up in the same place.
How could this be? How could this happen over and over again, in the same way — and with Gulliver landing on an island that, up until somewhat recently, was deserted? How is it that the communicator parts are always buried in the sand across vast stretches of the island, as if someone didn’t want them to be found?
The weird thing is ... this still happens. But occasionally, the Gulliver that shows up is this pirate outfit-wearing guy. His communicator is still smashed, but instead of digging for it in the sand, it’s somewhere in the ocean. OK. This still tracks with the theory that Gulliver’s crew members are sabotaging him. But why the pirate outfit?
I’ve come up with a new theory. Gulliver is lonely. Maybe he doesn’t have a ship at all. Perhaps he just flies around to all our different islands, hoping one of us will ask him to stay. It hasn’t worked yet, in his sailor outfit, so he’s testing out a new persona, Gullivarrr, for a while. He’s bribing us with new gifts. And yet, no one’s ever asked him to stay.
At worst, we’re hoping he leaves ... because he’s taking up one of the special visitor slots that Redd use. (We. Want. Art!) Another colleague, Cass Marshall, had this to say: “Hey, Gulliver. I thought this was Animal Crossing, not Sea of Thieves!!! Get out of here with this shit!!!”
It’s harsh, but they’re not wrong. Here’s my message to Gulliver: If you want to stay, you’ve just got to say it, bud. I’m sure there are plenty of islands that’ll offer you a new home. But we’re all very confused about this shtick. We’re worried about you, pal.