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a valentine from the simpsons that says I Choo-Choo-Choose you with a picture of a train Image: Fox Animation

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The Polygon staff makes Valentine cards from their favorite villains

It’s better from a baddie

Petrana Radulovic is an entertainment reporter specializing in animation, fandom culture, theme parks, Disney, and young adult fantasy franchises.

While we may never quite experience the thrill of passing around class Valentines into decorated shoeboxes, who is to say that we cannot try to capture that feeling once more?

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we asked our coworkers to make a special handmade Valentine’s Day card... but with a twist! Romance is all fine and dandy, but romance from villains? Chef’s kiss. We thought long and hard about which villains we would want a special handmade card from. And boy, the results span a huge gamut.

Take a look at our beautiful artistic creations and tell us which villain you would want leaving a little card in your shoebox.

Pete Volk

a valentiens day card with two chickens on it
a valentines day card featuring venom

“Venom and his pet chickens Sonny and Cher wish you a very happy Valentine’s Day and definitely do not want to eat you. The artist tore through the paper, in an imitation of Venom’s process.”

Susana Polo

“When I think about villains who want me to give them a very specific piece of paper, I think of Sirrus and Achenar, the shitty brothers of seminal gaming masterpiece, Myst. But I also think of the franchise’s true villain, the man behind all of my problems and the world’s shittiest dad, Atrus.”

Nicole Carpenter

team rocket on a valentines day card

“I would like to receive a Valentine from everyone’s favorite Pokemon villains. I used watercolor, ink, and Posca markers and I tried very hard.”

Nicole Clark

michelle yeoh as seen in crazy rich asians on a valentine’s day card

“What could be a better Valentine than one from Michelle Yeoh in one of the best rom coms in years?”

Chris Plante

a neon genesis evangelion themed valentine’s day card

“I asked myself, “Which Valentine’s Day card would mean the most to Shinji Ikari?” From there, the card created itself.”

Petrana Radulovic

a red heart that ominously says BE MINE
a pop up card that says OR YOU WILL BURN, signed by Frollo

“No one does it like Frollo. Is he a lecherous old man? Yes. Would he burn down all of Paris because he is horny? Also, yes. I felt like I needed to honor his, uh, dedication and really go hard on creating a 3D immersive pop-up experience.”