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the minions standing in front of a conspiracy board Image: Illumination

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I have one eye and I must scream: A guided tour of Facebook’s Minion meme pages

On Facebook, the modern Minion enjoys a rarefied level of shitposting dominance

In the Web3 internet age, Marshall McLuhan’s supposition that “the medium is the message” proves itself to be exponentially true. The platforms upon which pieces of content are presented to the public are increasingly inextricable from the creation, interpretation and synthesis of said content. Indeed, most tech giants make it quite plain that, were it up to them, their platforms would be the only message — if the public is to consume, it must do so at the pleasure of The Medium.

Within that medium, the modern Minion enjoys a rarefied level of shitposting dominance. So ubiquitous are our goggled friends, and so synonymous are they with a certain brand of online behavior, that it’s easy to forget the shallow roots from which they grew. In the tumult of the late 2010s, Facebook normie meme groups saw an explosion of Minion memes — a typically softball shareable wherein a Minion (short, yellow, overall-wearing pill-shaped animated characters from the 2010 film Despicable Me) is presented alongside an inoffensive bon mot.

“Why Minions?” you weep. Well, why not Minions, first off. Second, good normie memes require a certain visual shorthand — pictures that are Keaton-esque in mood simply play better. An argument can be made that the memes grew as fast as they did in their heyday because Minions themselves are basically emojis with arms.

three minions in blue flight attendant uniforms Image: Illumination

The only thing we know conclusively is that Minion memes are a recipe for virality. The clash of context of everyone’s favorite banana perverts delivering nuggets of Home Goods wisdom is a delectable combo for the middle-aged and the irony-poisoned alike. So, in celebration, let us embark on a whistle-stop tour of Facebook’s many operational Minion meme pages, and salute all the brave soldiers still fighting (posting) the good fight (the choice to not post).

Briefly, our criteria:

  1. No private groups — We will concern ourselves only with content that is allowed to move freely through the Minion meme ecosystem.
  2. Facebook pages only — Pure milk from the Zuck teat, baby!
  3. No ironic pages — Beyond the scope of our observation. As this is a course on the classics, postmodernism has no place here.

Let’s gaze into the abyss, shall we? Here are the seven best Facebook Minion meme pages.

Like if you love minions

We’re off to a rough start.

“Like if you love minions” is one of Facebook’s more populous Minion meme fan pages, and, as such, faces the challenges of any 300,000-plus online community. A perusal of recent posts show a wall dominated by Amazon ads offering dishwashers and dishwasher accessories to Minion devotees. A few passionate souls rage against the dying of the light, studiously commenting “Not about minions” on each post. They are rewarded with bot comments. The few actual Minion memes here are unobjectionable — the overall vibe is resigned, but not angry. It is sad but comfortable here, like a finished basement.

Meme quality: 5/10

Great deals on a variety of products: 10/10

Minion Group

a meme of baby yoda that reads, “Oh look!!! Mom’s last nerve. I want to touch it!!” Image via Facebook

Listen, Minion Group. Between us gals, what’s with all the Grogu memes? To some extent I get it — someone photoshopped a curler wig and coffee cup on Baby Yoda. Perfection, gold, total no-brainer. But Minion Group — and I say this with all the respect in the world — Grogu posts are 40% of your feed. That is statistically too much Grogu. A plurality of Grogu. Just saying! Might be worth doing an audit re: Grogu! Totally up to you!

Meme quality: 6/10

Egregious misuse of The Walt Disney Company IP: 8/10

Minion Humor Group

Minion Humor Group contains multitudes: conservative-lite Boomer pandering on one hand, blatant engagement farming on the other. Minion Humor Group is chock-full of word puzzles, “math” problems, and “tag a friend who also used to skip rocks and catch fireflies and were totally fine when the rope swing broke on that fateful Tuesday”-type posts. Tone? Frequently worrisome: a lot of folks annoyed with the world, annoyed with themselves, occasionally reminding each other that violence is bad. Posting has dropped off a lot since 2020, which can only be a good thing for the misanthropes of Minion Humor Group. Wherever in “Based in Canada” they are now, I hope they’re collecting clicks in peace.

Meme quality: 8/10

Math problems solved: If 3 = 9 and 4 = 12 (only 1 in 100 people get this first try!), what is—

Minion Lovers & More

a minion holding a baseball bat Image via Facebook

A bit heavy on the “& more” for my taste.

Meme quality: 4/10

Memes about how no one will care about you until after you die: One

(Sidebar for the more mature reader — the Minion Lovers & More mods would like you to know they have created an 18+ version of the page, which they hope you’ll find is more suited to your prurient interests. Our researchers briefly sampled the myriad carnal delights available on “Adult Misfitz 18+ jokes, stories, and memes.” Our researchers DO NOT recommend “Adult Misfitz 18+ jokes, stories, and memes.”)

Minion Quotes

an edgy minion in a baseball cap Image via Facebook

Behold, Minion Quotes: the platonic ideal of a Minion meme page. It’s got everything: a strong moderation policy of no politics, no spam, and no friending group members, KYLE. It has lighthearted quips about wearing PJs all day alongside calls to literally murder your neighbors. It has whatever this is. Send Minion Quotes to your grandmother. No, not that one. The one you like less.

Meme quality: 10/10

Frequency of Minions holding guns: More than you’d want!

Minions family fun

There is little material difference between “Minions family fun” and Minion Quotes. Content-wise, the pages are nearly identical. However, the vibe of “Minions family fun” is distinctly, oppressively nihilist. Post after post insists that life is suffering, and one must resign oneself to the suffering. Members are isolated, agreeing as a community that it is indeed best to be alone, because then the only person who can fail you is yourself. And rest assured — you will fail.

Meme quality: 9/10

Posts calling for peace among nations: One

Minions (Verified)

Have to admit, not sure what they’re going for here. Posts are frequent, but actual meme content is rare. It looks like the mods are spending a lot of time promoting a fan project, which seems like a misuse of page resources? In any case, Minions (Verified) underwhelms, and I’m sure its 32,093,126 fans would agree.

Meme quality: 0/10

Minions: The Rise of Gru in theaters everywhere July 1: Yes

A brief postscript: In order to write this piece, I had to make a new Facebook profile, after many enjoyable years being off the site. Two, in fact, as one got deactivated for suspicious following behavior (can’t imagine why). It has been truly excruciating to navigate this slapped-together Geocities nightmare. Facebook is a half-dead, pus-eyed family dog shambling around Thanksgiving dinner, begging for scraps, shakily trying to jump into laps it can no longer reach. I wish the dog was dead. The dog wishes it was dead. I wish we all were dead.

And so, a toast to the Facebook Minion meme page community — may your subjects be yellow, and your text posts be droll! Salud!