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Vacuum-sealing your Squishmallows turns them into Pokémon jerky

It’s a moving experience

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Eight Squishmallows stuffed into two vacuum seal bags
Eight Squishmallows stuffed into two vacuum seal bags
Photo: Nicole Carpenter
Nicole Carpenter is a senior reporter specializing in investigative features about labor issues in the game industry, as well as the business and culture of games.

Even before I started packing for my upcoming move, the thought of packing my Pokémon Squishmallow collection haunted me. I was already feeling some resentment due to the sheer amount of space they take up. (It’s mostly the 20-inch ones that are simply too big.) I have to move them on and off my bed every night to make room for me and my husband. I can admit this: There are too many, and yet I keep buying more.

A Squishmallow enthusiast I met at a tattoo shop mentioned to me that she stores her Squishmallows in vacuum-sealed bags. And so, I got some vacuum seal bags and stuffed my Pokémon Squishmallows in. I’d been putting off actually vacuum-sealing them in fear of seeing the life literally sucked out of my beloved collection, but with my move coming this weekend, I had no choice. Bring out the vacuum. To my surprise, it was not only horrifying, but also hilarious. My fluffy Squishmallows are now Pokémon jerky.

When I woke up this morning, the Squishmallows had somehow broken free from their vacuum seal and regained their round shape. It turned out to be a good thing, because now I could take a video to show you all what it looks like to dehydrate Pokémon Squishmallows. Some have said this is likely what it would look like to be inside a Pokéball. Either way, enjoy.

I can hear it now: “We cannot escape, we cannot get out.

Supposedly, the Squishmallows will puff right back up even after being vacuum-sealed for weeks — albeit with a few wrinkles that will eventually work themself out. I’ll keep you updated on the state of the squish when they do come out of the moving truck. I left two of my favorite Pokémon Squishmallows out of the bag in case of a problem. I’ll leave you with a photo of Snorlax and Gengar supervising their flat friends.

Two fully hydrated Squishmallows overlooking their flat friends. Photo: Nicole Carpenter

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