The image and the list is of course a bit silly, but Nintendo's answer to why Link has to be a dude is, if anything, more nonsensical.
"You know there’s the idea of the Triforce in the Zelda games we make," Zelda series producer Eiji Aonuma told Kotaku. "The Triforce is made up of Princess Zelda, Ganon and Link. Princess Zelda is obviously female. If we made Link a female we thought that would mess with the balance of the Triforce. That’s why we decided not to do it."
I mean, they can bend the lore and mythology to justify every other goofy idea the team has ever had about the Zelda series, but this is where they draw the line?
"...if we have princess Zelda as the main character who fights, then what is Link going to do," Aonuma asked.
- Just trade places with Zelda and wait to be rescued.
- Hang out and play Lego, he could make a nice house.
- He could learn to do some sleight of hand, which takes a lot of practice and could really kill time.
- Are you serious you have so many amazing, imaginative people and this question has you stumped?!
Just admit you didn't want to do it and move on. These excuses are sad, and it's not like there's never been a Link that's a woman.