To celebrate the launch of The Horse Girl Canon, we’ve commemorated Polygon’s own horse mascot with its own T-shirt. Behold, The Official Hayseed Tee, a wearable ode to the biggest, dumbest, hulk-sized horse this side of the Mississippi.
Cass Marshall introduced Hayseed to the world in February 2019 in their groundbreaking essay, “Everyone hates my big stupid horse in Red Dead Online.” I can’t summarize Hayseed any better than Cass’ perfect encapsulation:
Red Dead Online, much like Red Dead Redemption 2, gives the player a horse as their primary means of travelling through the world. In Red Dead Online, your horse cannot die, and players carefully weigh the pros and cons of each horse for each competitive task, unless you are me, in which case I just picked a giant horse and all of my friends fucking hate him. Meet Hayseed, my loyal friend.
Horses are companions. There’s a reason why one of the first pieces of downloadable content was armor for your horse in The Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion. The world of Red Dead Online can sometimes feel a little quiet, and a little empty. Playing with my posse has proven to be a fantastic social experience, and part of that is the stories we generate together. Sometimes, those tales come from fighting with other posses and robbing stagecoaches out on the far reaches of the West.
And sometimes, those stories come from me accidentally trampling my friend with Hayseed, my big beautiful horse. Please, ignore the hollers of agony coming from these people. It’s fine — you can trust Hayseed.
If you would like to show your love for Hayseed, you can purchase the shirt at DFTBA. This is a pre-order. DFTBA expects the shirts to ship in February 2021. And while you wait for your Hayseed fashion, be sure to tour Polygon’s Horse Girl Canon.