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The two most cursed official Shrek videos on YouTube were released on the same day

And they haunt me

Shrek’s Fairytale Freestyle is a thing that exists on YouTube. And its existence torments me, like a cursed specter always lingering in the back of my consciousness. Whenever a quiet moment descends, there’s a chance that the voice of Shrek going “SOMEBODY LAY DOWN A BEAT” bellows through my ears.

Shrek’s Fairytale Freestyle is not the first Shrek-related video in which the ogre sings. In fact, the original Shrek movie ended with a big musical sequence and there was a whole karaoke dance party special that went along with it. Shrek 2 continued the trend with a big musical hurrah at the end, and the DVD also came with an American Idol tie-in, where each of the characters sang. Simon Cowell was also there. (He declared himself winner if you voted for anyone but the main characters, which tracks).

But in addition to all the Shrek musical clips that exists in movies and movie-tie-ins... there is also this.

Posted by Dreamworks in 2014, a full four years after Shrek Forever After came out, the video starts off with Shrek defending himself against alleged haters online who have accused him of not being able to rap. Then he launches into his freestyle rap, which starts off with a “FEE FEE FI FI FO FO FUM Shrek ‘ain’t your average ogre son.”

If that wasn’t enough, the video itself is full of filters and transitions akin to a fourth grader’s iMovie project. The comments on the video are turned off. I do not know why. The video description is simple and also reveals nothing else:

Who said ogres can’t rap? Shrek’s about to break it down.
The most lovable grump in the kingdom of Far Far Away, Shrek shares his opinions and gripes and all things ogre.

It also links to another video posted on the same day, this one of Shrek burping “Happy Birthday.” The comments on this video are also disabled. This one is pretty self-explanatory. Shrek burps Happy Birthday.

Shrek’s Fairytale Freestyle haunts me and not just because there was a period of time where my brother would hijack the family TV and play it during the middle of dinner parties. Why does it exist? Why was it posted on July 30, 2014? Who is the guy who had to burp “Happy Birthday” in a Shrek voice?! (His name is Mick Wingert and apparently his whole thing is taking over the voices of Too Famous Actors for things like tv shows, video games, and burping videos).

For the record, there are also a few other random Shrek-related videos posted in 2014, including an instructional dance video, which has the same schtick where Shrek gets angry at people saying he can’t dance and a follow-up to it. None of them have comments on. What does it all mean?!

In order to sate myself, I will simply spread the existence of these videos to the rest of the world, so that you at home may also be infected by Shrek’s Fairytale Freestyle and Shrek Burps Happy Birthday. You’re welcome.