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I’d pet Pokémon’s newest dog Greavard, even if it cost me my life

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you, over agaaaiiinnn don’t make me change my mind

A small, white, scruffy dog with a candle on its head. The dog is facing you, standing in a dark outdoor area. Image: Game Freak/The Pokémon Company, Nintendo

Pokémon Scarlet and Violet just introduced another very good boy to the Paldea region. A Pokémon Company YouTube broadcast shared on Tuesday showed off Greavard, an adorably spooky pup who just wants to play. A trainer approaches this ghost-type dog, playing fetch with a stick. But then the trainer passes out at the end of the video. Excuse me, what?

Well, Greavard is “friendly and affectionate” to the point where “paying it even the slightest bit of attention will make it so overjoyed that it will follow you wherever you go,” according to the Scarlet and Violet website. Cute! I think we can all agree — we would die for Greavard. Then comes the twist of the knife. “However, Greavard will slowly and inadvertently absorb the life-force of those around it, so it’s best not to play with it too much.”

Oh. So we would die for Greavard. Like, literally.

This ranks up there for some of the saddest shit in the Pokémon pantheon. It’s not the saddest — that award goes to Cubone, the orphaned ground type Pokémon who wears the skull of ITS DEAD MOTHER.

But I’d rank Greavard somewhere above chronic migraine icon Psyduck, whose head pain is so bad it produces psychic damage. Chronic headaches suck, and I would know, but at least Psyduck can hang out with someone when it’s sad, and not worry about accidentally sucking their life out of them. And don’t even get me started on Amaura, the rock- and ice-type Pokémon whose ecosystem is melting. Will it have a place to live in 10 years? We simply don’t know.

Here’s what I do know: The Pokémon Company clearly isn’t OK.

Luckily Greavard’s deadly excitement doesn’t appear to have dissuaded fans from lavishing the goodest boy with lots of love. Look at that shaggy little face and tell me you don’t want to give that snoot a little kiss. What if we kissed Greavard in the graveyard? Ahaha just kidding. Or?

I would risk death for one good head pat!!!

I know Greavard lives in Paldea, but I personally feel it would be more accurate to catch one at a My Chemical Romance revival concert. (Maybe sitting on Spectrier’s back to see the stage better?) I just know I’d hug him, no matter the personal cost.

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