Building Bowser’s military hierarchy

The best part about a Mario game is the platforming. The worst part is the endless cycle of war.

Bowser and the Mushroom Kingdom have been in a constant state of combat. And though Bowser’s quest to kidnap and marry Princess Peach is nearly always the source of this conflict, it’s important to note that Mario single-handedly ends the lives of countless Koopa Troopas en route to save the princess.

These troops put their lives on the line for a megalomaniacal tortoise, and yet no one seems to care. Moreover, there doesn’t seem to be a command structure! On the Mushroom Kingdom side, there is an army of one, but on Bowser’s side, the hierarchy of troops is a bit more undefined.

So I, Brian David Gilbert, have developed Bowser’s military hierarchy to make sure that he isn’t violating the Geneva Conventions. And at the end, I sing a song for peace with my coworkers.

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